Signs You’re Dating a Player – Tips & Advice: My Real Life Dating Experience
87There are some girls out there who are really naïve when it comes to dating guys. Or at least they act that way and maybe they do really know what’s going on and simply don’t care. There are others, like myself, who once were naïve and now can spot a player from 100 miles away.
It is possible for guys to have you completely fooled before you go home with them. In fact, this is lots of guy’s ultimate goal of 'dating'. There are some guys out there who give up after they realize that you’re not cheap and looking for a one-night-stand (these ones don’t bother me – I simply ignore them!), but there are others who will prolong things just until they’ve reached their conquest. It’s sick, I don’t know why guys do it, but some of them do. In my opinion, it has to be part of some psychological disorder.
Hopefully, you’re able to pick out guys who are only interested in you for one evening and steer clear away from them (if you want to, I guess ;). This article covers how to detect guys that are interested in you for an evening or two, but will go to extremes to get there through dating. It becomes a game for them and nothing more, leaving you completely confused, not to mention feeling used.
I’ve had my heart broken twice, once because of the guy that I will talk about below and one other time from another man that I’m still not ready to talk about as it was more recent.
My Story
I once dated this guy that at the very moment we met, we were instantly attracted to one another. He would come over and make small talk and flirt. He eventually asked me out and he soon found out that I’m not easy. Naturally, I wondered if he was a player after the first date, but I gave him another chance. After all, he was absolutely gorgeous. So, we spent a month of casual dating. Eating out, movies, typical classic dates. During this time period, part of me wondered what his motives were but all I could think of was that he is really going to a lot of trouble…it’s not like he’s ugly and he would have problems bringing easy girls home! I got to know him really well, knew all about his family, his job, his studies in college, his aspirations, etc. He also got to know me really well, too. He treated me respectfully throughout that time, there was no pressure. I enjoyed every moment I spent with him. Finally, I decided that I would go over to his apartment.
That Night...
Upon arrival that evening, I was shocked to find out these things:
- He had copies of Maxim in his bathroom…and his bedroom and his living room. He didn’t even think to put them away. They were in plain sight!
- He was…uh, methodical in the bedroom. He acted like he had achieved the perfect formula, but it certainly wasn’t the case!
- He had several types of condoms available in his bedside table.
At this point, because of our past month of dating, I had feelings for him. I realized at that point my original gut instinct about him had been correct, but I wasn’t really able to do anything about it.
The Morning After
The next morning, he took me out to breakfast. I breathed a sigh of relief and thought, everything is o.k! Maybe he has been a player in the past, but he met me and likes me and this could work out really well. After breakfast, we said our goodbyes, just like we had at the end of every date and kissed with discussion for our next date for Friday night.
I never heard from him again.
The Realization That He's A Player
Two weeks later, I mentioned him to one of my friends that went to his college. She said that he was a huge player and that she was shocked that he had dated me for that long. She showed me his facebook (he had always said he didn’t use one because of his job) and there were tons of pictures of him with different girls. Lots of ugly, cheap, girls. I almost cried. My original instinct had been correct, and I was so mad at myself. Yes, he was attractive but he didn’t even care what they looked like – he was just that awful of a player!
Signs He's A Player!
Below are some of the signs that I should have realized screamed: “he’s a player!” while we were casually dating:
- He always said how I was out of his league. Even when I was dating him, I arrogantly thought he was right about that; we came from different worlds. But, I didn’t care because I really liked him; he was fun and made me laugh. Turns out, I was just the ultimate conquest to him – he wanted to spend the night with someone who was out of his league – that was his true intention and he spent an entire month on working to accomplish this.
- Most of his friends were players, but he claimed that he thought their behavior was absolutely despicable and he could never do that to anyone. You know what? At least his friends did it with girls who were naive enough to go home with them at the end of a first date. One-night stand etiquette doesn’t require a phone call.
- He constantly tried to impress me and constantly fished for compliments, usually regarding his body, such as “I work out a lot…but I feel like I’m totally out of shape.” He knew that he was in great shape and just wanted me to notice.
- One time when we were out, he saw a girl and accidentally slipped out: “I tried to sleep with her once.” I was like “what?” and he just laughed it off and said he was really drunk at a party.
My Lesson Learned
It honestly makes me sick to even think about it, but there are some guys out there who will do this to girls. While I never loved this guy, I still had my heart broken that someone could trick me like this; someone that I had really started to trust! But, ultimately it’s an experience that makes me stronger and savvier for future dating. So, all is not lost!
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Maxim Magazine in the bathroom? Was he trying to impress with you with his brand of toilet paper?
How to spot a player? Walk past a shop window and look at the your mutal reflection. If he's looking at you looking at him in the reflection, then he was clearly looking at himself before you were looking at him: PLAYER ALERT. Oh, and if he shaves his salsas: SERIOUS PLAYER ALERT.
Wow. That is jacked up. I am glad you got this dude out of your life. Nicely written, by the way.
Wow, just curious, how far did you go with him? Lol! That's F'up. The quy sounds like a nightmare, check out my Internet nightmare Hub.
That guy was worse than other players! He was really motivated to fool you -- and he even invested a lot of time doing it. It's a shame there are guys (and gals) like that. It's a good thing you found out sooner rather than later. What a jerk!
Hi my story is even more complicated. I have been with a player for 1 year. First we dated for 5 months without sex and he would go out of his way to impress me with chic restaurants, dinners, shows, gifts etc Then, sex finally happened. But the restaurants, flowers etc did not stop. He did nto stop texting and seeing other girls either? and here i am now brave enough to let it go and start breathing but at the same time so got used to this that it is difficult to say no as other guys who are sort of monogamous do not necessarily treat you like this. Anyone in the same situation to advice?
I feel bad that you were totaly had by this guy. He just wanted the physical experience, but not the emotional one. He is still mentally a child, perhaps. We all grow throug "phases of dating", but most of us learn to want stable ones after we have some rocky ones. Don't give up just cos of one player. You have also learned a lot, I know by reading this great hub already! : )
Hi,
I am so happy to know that you girls are so brave and live without that idiots.
Good Luck
I had a similar experience, except in my case, I think he pursued me because he wanted to take my virginity, which he succeeded in after a month of pretty intense dating. Amusingly enough, he also had Maxim lying around in plain sight! He did not call me the day after (though his Facebook showed he had enough time to watch "House"), even when he promised to. When I got upset, he accused me of being "overreactive," offered no apology but lots of excuses, and proceeded to more or less ignore me over the next 2-3 days while I frantically tried to repair what I thought was a minor misunderstanding (but was really just that he had lost interest once he got what he wanted.) He was in no way distressed when I said goodbye; I'm pretty sure that's what he wanted because he didn't even have the balls to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore. Not only did he play me, he wanted to look like the good guy until the bitter end, which led me to doubt myself for a long time afterwards as it was my first major romantic experience and I didn't immediately understand what went wrong (that jerk was my first kiss, too.)
I also thought he may have been a player once but really liked me for who I was since we had a lot of similar interests, etc. He had claimed to have slept with 89 previous women, but I was too infatuated and naive to walk away after hearing that...I was convinced I was "special." He even said he really enjoyed our honesty and connection and he hardly ever found that, which he probably says to every woman. He claimed to "not do that anymore," (sleep around, that is) and that he had "cut out other women." I foolishly believed him.
The take-home message is: once a player, always a player. It appalls me that there are people out there who do this for no other reason than to add a notch on their belt with no regard to the trampled feelings of their "conquests." My only comfort is the knowledge that unless they shape up these jerks are going to die old and alone.
I was taken in by a player I met online. He took me out four times, wined and dined me before I slept with him on the 5th date. He did actually contact me again and I stupidly slept with him again only to discover he wanted me as a bed buddy rather than a girlfriend. He even had the audacity to tell me after he had slept with me about girls he had been dating and what he was looking for in his ideal woman. It was like 'well you'll do for now for the sex!!' He seemed to think this was perfectly normal behaviour and like i'd be grateful or something!! How sick is that? I can totally identify with the fishing for compliments as I had all that too. It was just one big ego boost. Soon discovered I wasn't the first he had done it to and that he only seeked out 'decent' women for his conquests. Afterall there are sites specifically for hook ups and women who want this too but this doesn't give the player the same conquest, power or ego boost. There are a lot of screwed up people out there. It took me a long time to get my confidence back and start dating again as it damaged my self esteem and pride badly.
I think I have something similar at the moment.
I'm ashamed to say I'm married and infatuated with a guy who is also.
There was a gradual attraction on my side, but secretly.
I started to notice he would be everywhere that I happened to be constantly, he was slowly building up a rapport between us for months and I THOUGHT WOW we're so alike!
Then I noticed he would blush profusely in my presence, fidget with things, watch me all the time, I came to the conclusion he had it for me the same as I for him.
It got that I would feel sick when I knew I would see him.
I agonised over wether to say anything and in the end plucked up some nrevous courage to hint that my attention was serious.
After that he pursued me even more, the touches, eye contact, blushes, everything escalated and the electricity was unbearable. I always had a nagging feeling though that he would not take anything further and if honest, not sure wether I would either.
He would hang around me blushing as if he wanted to say something but never did.
I started to notice that he would also look deeply at other women in my presence, and soon realised that he may have the same game going on with at least one other lady, maybe more.
It hurt! he really made me feel that he had feelings for me, and I kept telling myself "he's shy, he's worried about rejection,he's not sure he could be unfaithful" anything to make me feel better and I believed my own excuses because it felt better than admitting he only wanted attention from me.
This is all still going on and he still has not opened up about any feelings, I don't think he ever will.
If I try to back away and not provide him with attention, he sulks, tries to capture my attention in certain ways and I alaways end up giving it because I end up feeling guilty and of course I have feelings for him.
This man has obviously been a player before marrying and is still doing it now but without the actual dating.
If he had any feelings for me at all he would have said something by now, but he won't because he knows I will back away if he is honest with me.
I have allowed it to take control of my heart,head, and cannot try making my marriage work(it was not good before all this)because I feel I have given my all to this man, who, I don't really know at all.
I have been well and trully played and it is my own fault!
how did he trick you? sounds like yall had a good time... get over yourself?
players are so crafty its almost unbelievable the things they will say to get what they want from you. they know exactly what to say…..
i was once at a party looking after a friend who had been drinking. eventually a guy started to notice how wasted she was and tried to take advantage of that. i knew exactly what he was up to from the start but there were times where i almost believed what he was saying. i almost let me friend go and sleep with him!
i found out a few days later that he was a major player. thank god i didn’t let me friend go home with him!
grrr i hate players so much!
@Matt
He tricked her because he led her to believe that it meant somethng and that he really cared about her. To lie and be something you are not to get something from someone that they would not give if you showed your true self is not only immature but not much worse than Identity theft. You take on a persona and lie about who you are to get what you want from someone.
Hes obviously a selfish jerk with self esteem issues. And for you to back him my guess is you arent too far behind.
i am currently living a story similar to yours.. about players....
i met this guy when i got my job because he worked there as well. it turns out he knew my cousin and he was one of my ex boyfriends bestfriend! the first day i worked there he saw me and gave me a "SMILE" then he left.. the second day we both got our break and he asked me if i wanted to go take a ride with him... i foolishly said yes... we went to walmart and then we ended up at his house. he offered me a beer and i said sure. we talked about our ex's and how we had both gotten out of a hard relationship. we had so many things in commom as well. anyways then we returned to work.. we started talking more and more until i realized i was starting to have feelings for him. the first time I kissed him was at a club.. the kiss felt so right so full of love.. then we started going out more often and eventually ended up dating... he added me on myspace and I SAW ALL OF THE GIRLS HE HAS AS FRIENDS.. it really bugged me because he had like 400 friends and they were all girls.. but i ignored that. One day at work one of my other work partners named evan asked me if i was dating him and i said yes. he told me in a serious tone of voice to WATCH OUT FOR HIM BECUZ HE WAS KNOWN TO HAVE GIRLS EVERYWHERE. i thought maybe he was jealous of us and jus wanted to get things in my head. so i ignored that to. then as we went further into our realationship i started to doubt. because HE NEVER SPENT TIME WITH ME and every time we did we had sex. he always said he would call me but he never did. sometimes he said he would come pick me up to have lunch or breakfast but he never did. one time he said he would take me to work and he never showed up. (i was late to work and i got in trouble). i let all that pass for him becuz i really liked him..as the days went on people kept telling me those things about him having too many girls... AND I STILL IGNORED THEM!! it came to the point where i started to notice that every tuesday he never spent time with me or called me.. that got kind of suspicious too. thoughts started running in my head. i thought maybe he was cheating and tuesday was the girls day off or something so he spent it with her. but then again i thought that was kinda lame. so then i asked him if he was cheating and he said noo. one day he took me to a restaurant and i caught him waving at some waitress we tried to play it off acting like he was twisting his hand cuz it "hurt". i was certain he had waved to her because afterwards i was messing with his hand and it didnt seem to bother him or hurt him.. it came down to the point where ppl were telling me they could prove he was cheating on me by taking pictures of him. i said no to that. i always noticed he would perfer drinking and friends instead of me. so i got tired of his bs! SOMEONE GAVE ME A BRIGHT IDEA THOUGH. they told me to breakup with him and end up as friends with bebefits and if he agreed to be my friend with benefits then that would mean he never liked me he just wanted the sex.. so i did just that. i broke up with him and h didnt seem to care so i said "how about we just be friends... with benefits" he didnt seem to want to at first but i kept insisting and then he was like ok! he thought i was serious but i really wasnt! that was proof that he didnt want anything serious...
i honestly dont know the reason guys doo such things to innocent girls! it makes makes me sick to kno that these type of guys are everywhere! just waiting to hit their next victim! sometimes i wonder about the girls they cheat on with.. how do they feel ? do they kno he is taken? or does he do the same to them? well anyways we learn form our mistakes so right now even though i still like that guy i kno he did me wrong and he can go suck his own ****!!!!!
AND TO ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE WITH THE SAME PROBLEM JUS KEEP YA HEAD UP! IF U SUSPECT UR MAN I PLAYIN U THEN U SUSPECT FOR A REASON AND ALMOST 98% OF THE TIME U SUSPECT RIGHT! just kno that he isnt the only guy out there and that there is someone who will come to u and love u till their last breath
with much love - Guadalupe :)
and as someone else said before me no man should make u type a sad face!!!
Don't take this personally but sometimes the longer a guy waits the more he expects to be blown away when sex finally does happen. If it turns out to be so-so there is a good chance he may not call. Even a "player" who has had his world "rocked" would have a difficult time not coming back for seconds!
From what you described of him it doesn't sound like he was your type to begin with and in fact you are better off that he didn't call you.
You didn't state whether or not you were in an "exclusive relationship" or if you were simply casually dating. If it was casual then it was a case of two consenting adults having sex. Anything beyond having an orgasm is icing on the cake.
Had he not been "gorgeous" odds are you never would have ignored your first instincts. You both slept with each other because there was a physical attraction.
I wonder if you ever called him after that night.
There is no law against women calling men after having sex. Two adults have consenting sex and neither one calls the other one sounds like it was a mutual thing not to see each other again. If you called him or he called you and there were no return calls then maybe you could label someone a jerk. As it stands now neither one of you reached out to the other.
The Man in this story is Awesome.
Players either boost your ego and make you believe that there is a promising future with them and that they are in love with you, or break you down make you clingy and desperate so that you run to them. They just mess with your emotions take what they want and leave you all wound up. They do not care at all about you and are only interested in one thing, the conquest, thereafter they will drop you like a hot potatoe and sadly you will have to pick up the pieces. Sisters beware, trust your instinct
but what about players who loan you hundreds of dollars and help you become successful in your business? You know where they are so involved in you succeeding almost to the point where they are trying to groom you to look better feel better act better so it seems as if they might even want to be with you long term bu they never do they just keep playing you and never coming closer emotionally. They appear to like you and their actions appear to be to like you but they dont want a boyfriend, and they diss all men, and say they dont need a man in their life, if you said goodbye they could care aless and wouldnt be hurt in the least yet they've given dozens of gifts to you and loaned you money and helped you in every concievable way to the pint they seem like partner material wife material but they just wont commit. Is that a player? 2 years later same as it has always been, just wont come closer and let a real relationship happen. its sick. I cant stand it but am still pursuing it letting her in my life hoping we will one day have that dream.
It's kind of amazing to think about what a huge part biology continues to play in this whole mating process we go through with girls. The truth is, we're still hard-wired the same way we were 10,000 years ago -- and women are always going to be programmed to desire Alpha Males. Beyond looks, money, pickup lines or anything else, women have a deep need to be with a guy who makes them feel secure and protected. Alpha Males give women that sense of emotional security that they crave. If you can project Alpha Male qualities to women, you're never going to be lacking for female companionship...
I was very recently dumped by my boyfriend who was a player prior to our dating. He made me believe that he was changing his ways....
I was seeing a guy who became my boyfriend for about 6 weeks but dropped me like a fly recently.
He pursued me very strongly two years ago and then again this year when I finally "came around." He told me how special I was, how strong his feelings were for me, and how he wanted in for the long term (that's all I'd ever accept). He immediately stopped dating other women and told me that when he was with them, he was thinking about me. He knew I wasn't going to date him if he was with other women anyway. He knew I was serious but that I also had some reservations because of his player past. He told me that he was leaving that all behind but that the ball was in my court if I couldn't handle his past = he was right about that, so I gave it a chance even though my guard was up until I was convinced he was truly in love with me. He would even report to me how he told his close buddies how serious he was about me, although I didn't feel that emotional connection from him yet myself. I waited for the romance and emotional connection but it didn't seem to happen even though I liked him alot - mostly because he was good fun to hang with.
He had been married nine years ago for about 10 years (and has a son) and had had two long term girlfriends since then. But before his marriage, he was a major player and afterwards too. But I knew he was a devoted father and that was a big plus. We actually met through his cousin who is a good friend of mine. We also went to the same high school together but never knew each other and discovered that we had many many mutual childhood friends. So, there were many connections we shared which made it fun and interesting.
The quality he had that was most attractive was his confidence. I didn't really see it as cocky, but in hindsight, I think it was about 30% cockiness. He was very good at his job, loved sports, had a great set of male friends. A typical man's man. I didn't think he was that funny, especially because his humor was almost always about sex and it got old, so unoriginal.
I had noticed he had a selfish streak and was self-indulgent. He didn't seem to have a genuine interest in me and my day, often talked about himself and cut me off or had to take another call. He was addicted to his cell phone, looking at every text and call and allowing interruptions virtually every time we were ever on the phone. I always felt like I was on borrowed time. He rarely paid me compliments about how I looked when we went out for example.
He started getting calls and messages from an old female friend who was going though a divorce about 3-4 weeks into our commitment. The more that time passed, the less time I seemed to spend with him because of his crazy schedule. I didn't feel prioritized but rather squeezed in when possible. It seemed that when I finally did have time with him, she'd call. Not once did he take her call because he was with me even though I said to take the call and tell her he'd call her back later because he's with his girlfriend whom he doesn't get to see much. I didn't think much of it because she was an old family friend of his who just needed help and he so casually explained how good friends they were. He is friends with many females, including his last x-girlfriend and although I was okay with it (I am friends with some of my x's), I can now see that having that many females in his life is a red flag!
Fast forward to the day he found out that his son was in some big trouble (drugs) and needed his undivided attention and was going to move back with him, he ended up pushing me away and breaking up with me claiming that he couldn't be a good boyfriend to me. I understood that and in fact, backed off so he didn't feel the pressure from me but considered it more of a break and told him he still had my heart. It was my hope and understanding that we would be back together when the dust settles and remain good friends. But he hardly ever called and when he did, it was minimal. He canceled plans on me several times, always declined my invitations to join me to places and we had only seen each other once for an hour in 6 weeks.
When I confronted him that it wasn't what I expected from our friendship, he admitted he liked this other woman and that they were both there for one another in their personal problems. She knew his son better than I did. He also admitted he liked another woman who also has a teenager with the same problem his son had.
Although it sounds sincere, that he can relate to these women more than me, I now know that he is still a player at heart. If his feeling were really that strong, he wouldn't have pushed me away to begin with but let me be a support to him and include me.
I do believe I was played no matter how much he hides behind this problem with his son. He tried to explain it away that our timing was bad and he even had the gall to say that maybe if it didn't work out with one of these girls, who is to say that we wouldn't get back together in the future - as if I'm an OPTION!!
not sure how he tricked you at all......he played you for sure, but well, you slept with him willingly and eagerly from how it sounds. Not a player myself, and I think they can be jerks, but i can't blame them for it. most women see the signs and go ahead with it anyways. If he was obviously such a douche early on, why did you get into bed with him anyways?
Why didn't you just put out on the first night? That way you would of found out he was a player within 24 hours, rather than wasting an entire month of both your lives.
Sounds like the real problem is, everyone on here has the misguided notion that sex=comittment. If you really want comittment, then wait until you're married!
Now that most women don't want to give it up on the 1st date, players have had to change their tactics and act interested for awhile until they get what they want. And women keep falling for it! lol!
its every where oooo.....they are all the same players...but to think of it, why is it women who are always victims, why not women play men
It's not the kill, it's the thrill of the chase :P
Would a player text you that day he is "sad cuz his grandpa died" ( grandpa died that day..years ago) would he tell you he "really loves you...but afraid of getting hurt" tells you he wants to "marry you and have family" text you when he is having a bad day at work? But he called you tree times in a 6 month relationship. Tells you he doesn't like talking on phone.....but he would always text you. When you try to leave...he doesn't want you to go and finally admit that he cheated before with his baby mama. I. Don't know! I never had sex with him we live in different states. We met online.
Some men are so off in the brain it's inconceivable to me!!! lol I used to be a naive person but I like you can spot a fake a mile away now and treat them exactly the way they deserve to be treated....avoided at all costs! Loved this hub!
Wow... I also dated a player earlier who I met from online dating. I made him wait & he got extremely impatient & upset. I tried to test him if he's truly love me or he's just a player. He has condoms & Maxim magazine in his room. Also, he loves blowjobs & anal sex & dislikes using condoms, which I think it's disgusting & unsafe. He told me that he's clean & he's a doctor. But I insisted not to have sex with him each time I see him, which drove him nut! Then a month later, I received less calls/text messages from him. Meanwhile, my friends checked his background & found out that he's NOT a doctor. If he's a doctor, it should be easily to find under Board of Medicine. Anyway, I was so in love with him & even cried that I was forcing myself to dump this guy. Anyway, my instinct was right that he's only want to have sex with me & I reported him that he lied about his occupation. So ladies, there are doctors (rather with license or not) out there who are players & don't be so naive & waste your time on them. Because u girls deserve way better men than these losers!!! Peace!
...you girls realise you're talking about jerks instead of the PUA community right? Those other guys sound AFC if they have to trick you into bed. Also if women didn't constantly game us to keep the majority of guys-who don't know how to play it so bitter about women, they may not have lied. Saying it how I see it :) so stop the dude and PUA hating :)
i actually as a woman (maybe this wouldnt work for other women but it works for me). I am like a medium-attractive woman and i have a bit of an attitude so most guys dont mess with me.
i find it to be MUCH more hurtful, personally, to be used for a month of dinners and movies, get my romantic hopes up, and then have the guy go away after sleeping with me!
so i find it easier to just sleep with them right away. i they go away, they go away. actually with me it very rarely happens that they go away, usually i end up in a relationship. other times they go away and if they do, well ive only wasted one day. of course this maybe is not a good idea if youre 18 but if youre older and have a healthy sexual appetite your not insulted if a guy wastes a day of your time. (better than months!)
the whole waiting for a month thing is bull, it doesnt work. because players arent just out for sex! theyre also about ego.
cheers everyone!
If you are a nice woman and read this, please read the comments of some of the people posting. I cannot believe mamy of you women would sleep with a man who you had no monagamous connection with; in other words, did he say he was only dating you exclusively? Yet, some you gave it up so soon. Ladies you are always in control, men do not see sex the same way as you do. For those of you who posted that you were together for a long time and he started playing on you, this is the classic guy who can't commitment, he just went on to the next quest after being bored with you; I'm sure the signs were there that he was not a person who would commit, example "Maxim Magazine lying around; condoms on hand????? Ladies, wake up!
Wow....great article. Thanks for sharing
I met a "player" who professed he wasn't a player, but a relationship man. Well, after a month of just texting and calling me without ever really making plans to go out anywhere...and always trying to get me to go to his place. He even drunk dialed me once for an entire hour qt 4:30am and tried to play on my sympathy to get me into bed....well thankfully I never gave it up! I called him on it...and told him that sorry, if he's not willing to put in the time and effort to get to know me over time then the rest of it definitely wouldn't happen...but at the end of the day, he was after sex. And I am glad I kept control of my emotions, it was hard, but people will reveal themselves if you give them enough time.
Try this on for size. I worked with a guy who made it clear he would like to date, but we both thought dating in business was a bad idea. He asked me out to lunch once, we had a great time, I send him a thank you text, he said he would like to do it again, but never contacted me about it. I was a little perplexed, but didn't really give it a second thought. After about 6 months, I left the job and worked somewhere else. As soon as he found out I was gone, he started texting and asking if I would be interested in a date. I ignored the first request because I was dating someone else. About a month later, I got another request and I was single again, so I said yes. Over the span of two months we got to know each other (I thought). Chatted almost daily, flirted a bit, talked about wants and needs, our families. Then I went over to his house to watch a movie. It was a great evening...he was very mellow and didn't seem to expect anything. We previously talked about sex and likes and dislikes, as well as ground rules if ever got that far, and it having to be a monogamous thing on both sides...but he applied no pressure. We held hands through the movie, snuggled a bit, eventually started touching... Although I didn't really intend to have sex, since we weren't alone together in person very often, we did go at it that night. And it was really really great! He asked why we waiting so long for this...I absolutely agreed. He kept asking what I was thinking and if I was OK with everything, which was so sweet and cute. A few rounds later, we talked about timeframes for getting together again. And when I finally told him that I needed to get out of there so he could go to bed and get a little bit of sleep, he asked that I let him know I made it home, which I did. Told him he was wonderful and the evening was perfect. The next day I posed a question about something from the movie, and received a very stiff response. Perplexed again, I thanked him and made a comment about he really blew my mind if I couldn't remember that...and got nothing in response. The next day I sent him an email saying thanks again for the evening and it was great. I haven't heard anything since. I still have nooooo idea what happened. But the worst thing, it's his sex skills that I miss! I hardly spent any one-on-one time with him, but I miss those very much and still think about them daily. It's sick!!! Why spend that much time and effort working to an ends?? I passed up dating two other very nice (I think) men because of him. And now all I can wonder is if I'm going to be put on some online porn site. If only I'd realized he actually only meant "a date," as in singular after getting what he was after! Makes me feel so stupid for falling for this BS.
i honestly am friends w/ a guy who claims hes a virgin but got player written all over him. its beyond insane.
He took you out for breakfast the next morning? Mine did, too. Deja vu. Omg I hate him. :c
Hey, just because a guy sleeps with you and doesn't call you again does not make him a player...
Here's the ugly truth... he didn't really like what he saw in the bedroom... and he did you a favor by not leading you on afterwards...
Sorry, but after reading your story that's definitely what happened. ;) I know because I've been there myself...i.e. I get along great with a girl, she's pretty, she's got a good personality, but when the clothes come off I discover her to be a chubscout in disguise! Then I'll usually move on...
Believe me condoms around shows that at least he has some sense of responsibility not like the ones who ride bare back and don't care thinking that just washing is ok. Who say that it is up to them if they take risks and are risking you when they do it with more than one at a time and are players.
I bet his name was FABIAN EERDHUYZEN
You say in article "I never loved this guy". Would a rule "don't sleep with someone you never loved" have protected you in this case?
Sasinib 2 years ago
Wow - what a jerk. I am happy that this incident made you stronger instead of just breaking you down.
Keep going girl!! :) Best of luck in the dating world!!